© 2018, By Prashant S. Shah
This outline is prepared by me (Prashant) from my experience in counselling and from my notes on reading the popular book: “Men are from Mars” by Dr. Gray. The general idea is that men and women are the products of different models: Hence, their natures are different; they see things differently; and they act and react differently. If you take the trouble to understand the differences, you save yourself a lot of misunderstandings and trouble. And, as a consequence you will do much better in all your men-women relationships.
Some comments received:
- Just saw this article. To say it is merely excellent understates the wisdom and impact that it has on the reader. It goes into the fundamental nature of men and women, which can be opposing or complementary as the case might be. I like the way that you have shown the qualities and reactions of each side by side – it really adds to the clarity that a much larger volume will lose sight of. This piece was an absolute gem. It was timely for me because… M. G. Machayya
- Enjoyed reading. Obviously you have more experience in that you meet with many people. Well thought out and simple. Dr. S. Rajan
The main differences are:
|Women talk to vent out their emotions; and men interrupt them by offering solutions. (This is a man’s biggest mistake.)||Women make comments to try to change a man; that is to make him change his habits. (This is a women’s biggest mistake.)|
|Men want occasional big expressions of love (sex). The superficial fondling doesn’t satisfy them.||Women want frequent little expressions of love — they want a lot of pampering and appreciation.|
|To feel better, men withdraw into themselves or get busy doing something. (It gives them a shelter or temporary relief.)||To feel better, women must discuss it — whether the man likes it or not. (They must do it to vent or relieve their emotions.)|
|For men, if she is not asking or complaining about something, he thinks that he is doing okay. (However, she may be frustrated and anxiously waiting for him to respond to some dissatisfaction that she had shown!)||For women, if she has to ask for expressions of love and affection she interprets that she is being taken for granted. (Then she will try to get even by playing hard to get or by behaving difficult.)|
|Men want to be appreciated and trusted. (If you tell them they did a good job or you trust their judgement, it raises you in their eyes.)||Women want to be cherished or flattered. (If you don’t praise them, they will show their need by telling you of other people who do it!)|
|When a man wants something they cannot have, they withdraw into themselves or show anger. (Women react to this expression, but they refuse to see the part they played in making it happen!)||When women want something, they nag or do verbal bashing to have their way. (Men resent this very much, but usually they don’t give in easily.)|
Men are from Mars
Men value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. Hence, they do things to prove themselves. They will develop their skills to improve their power. They derive self-worth from the ability to earn or achieve results.
Thus, men are more interested in ‘objects’ and ‘things’ rather than people and feelings. They fantasize about speed and power whereas women fantasize about romance. Thus, men like powerful cars, faster computers, sports, and more powerful technology. They get preoccupied with ‘things’ that help them to express their power to create results and accomplish something.
However, when a man gets focused on his work or on solving problems, the woman thinks that he is neglecting her or that he doesn’t care about her feelings!
Women are from Venus
Women value attention, communication, looks, and relationships. They derive self-worth from how they are regarded. Hence, they spend a lot of time in supporting, helping, and nurturing. Talking and relating is their most satisfying preoccupation.
Women think emotionally and not logically. They are attracted by subjects like psychology, personality development, religious practices and health. They like to nurture things. So they keep plants, like gardens and love flowers. They also love shopping and to be with children.
Women are intuitive. Hence, they find it easier to anticipate the needs and feelings of others. They can offer help or assistance to others without being asked. (Men usually have to be asked for help!) Women also accept help more readily when it is offered. (Men can refuse the help – since they prefer to demonstrate their own ability to do things).
Keep these different models in your mind and you will do much better in all your men-women relationships.
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